My head is spinning with words that I can’t seem to get on this page. So much change happening right now and I feel like I will never catch on or catch up.
Kenley’s big girl bed transition has not gone as well as I had hoped, leaving my anxiety at an all time high when I try to get her in bed at night. It is absolutely frustrating. Since she hasn’t napped in months, you would think that bed time wouldn’t be an issue, but some nights, it is. If she goes to bed easy, she is usually in our room wanting in our bed around 1-2am. I am hoping that once the weather is nicer and we can get some fresh air, she will be so exhausted, she will stay in her own bed ALL NIGHT. I don’t mind the 6am cuddles, but then she is up by 7 and with no naps, it makes for a long (and crabby) day. Over the weekend, she was in our room at 11:30pm so I made her a bed next to me on the floor with blankets and she slept there, and has done so every night since. *sigh*
The other battle in this house lately is not listening. I can’t even tell you how many times in the last week I have asked the kids (calmly, I might add) to clean up a mess or do a small task (clothes in hamper, go brush teeth) and that they have either flat ignored me or stalled and continued doing something else. It’s so frustrating. Sometimes, I just want to yell “are you kidding me right now?” but I try to take a deep breath, and make it into a teachable moment. I’m starting to sound like a broken record.
Have you ever felt like a failure? So much so that you didn’t even feel like trying a different tactic because you are so sure that you are a failure and that it won’t matter? That has been me for the last two weeks. I dread the days because I know they will be the same as the day before. The same crabby, non-listening, sleep-fighting kids and let me tell you, it is hard to wake up joyful to that.
It makes me feel awful. I should wake up excited in the morning, I can’t even tell you how blessed I am to be a stay-at-home mom. But somedays, it isn’t easy or glamorous and there are moments where I wish I could be somewhere else.
(Please tell me that I am not the only one.)
Saturday evening after the kids went to bed, I laid in bed and just prayed. Prayed for my heart, for my kids, for my words. All of this change and transition and unknown and unpredictability was just messing with me. (And yes, as a parent, I should know better and brace myself for change!) Things were going so well! Three weeks ago, bedtimes were normal and generally not a fight. I didn’t spend my days consumed with when Kenley was going to get tired and how I was going to keep her awake so she would sleep in her big girl bed. I didn’t feel like a broken record or unappreciated by everyone in this house. My attitude certainly was not this way. I really needed some grace and a change of heart and perspective, and I think I got just that.
Thank goodness for new beginnings. As much as I hate change, it is inevitable. Structure and predictability make me feel safe and secure, and I feel the most vulnerable when I can’t predict what’s next.
Matthew 6:33-34: 33“But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. 34“So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
God doesn’t promise us easy times or perfection. What He does promise is grace and righteousness, so that we can start over with a new day and a new attitude. Most importantly, He forgives. Oh, how I am so thankful that He does.
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